


if i reach out, will you hold on?

by gingerbread man (xphantomhive)



Category: Homestuck
Genre: John-centric, anyway here's a less shippy thing and a more character thought(y?) thing, however, that's why i made sure to tag it, there is some johndave, very focused around john's final thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-17
Updated: 2016-02-17
Packaged: 2018-05-21 07:22:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 622
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6043072
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xphantomhive/pseuds/gingerbread%20man
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <em>i'm sinking to the bottom, please pull me back up.</em>
</p><p>the thoughts of a dying boy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	if i reach out, will you hold on?

it feels like you’re drowning.

you’re surrounded by miles of darkness and you’re reaching, fingers grasping desperately for someone or something to _save you._ you’re always met by more nothing, blue like your eyes and suffocating, stealing your element from you before you can even manage to take it in. you think you might be able to hear screaming and talking and maybe sobbing, but it’s all too hard to hear, like listening to music that your neighbor is playing through the wall.

there’s a hand in yours and you blink, once, twice, before opening your eyes. your eyes won’t focus and you can barely hear but you see a flash of blonde hair and you know it’s dave, so you try to squeeze back even though it hurts, _god_ , it all _hurts_ , why do you hurt so bad? “rose!” he shouts, and you can hear it like it’s a voice on a tv show that breaks through a channel that isn’t anything more than static anymore. “will you please do some black magic shit on him? holy fuck, you do that shit, right? you’re a fucking witch. _fix him._ ”

you think she replies, and then you think he talks more, but your hearing goes out like a radio station when you drive into the mountains. you thoughts are an incomprehensible jumble of _dad_ and _dave_ and _jade_ and _rose_. “i’m okay,” you try to say, but your throat is too dry and you’re under the water again, anyway. you reach up, up, up, try to break the water’s surface with your fingertips, desperately grappling to feel the cool air outside of the water, but you can’t. “i’m okay, i’m okay, i’m okay, i’m okay.” you repeat, but you think it’s all in your head.

there’s something warm on your mouth and you move against it instinctively, try to grab the warmth with your lips and _keep it_ , because it broke the surface and grabbed you. “you fucking told me this kissing bullshit would work,” you hear, and you guess the radio station tuned in again. you must be out of the mountains. or the woods. maybe you were in the woods. “he hasn’t even opened his fucking _eyes_ , lalonde, if this is hopeless i expect you to tell me _right fucking now._ ”

the warmth is gone and you’ve fallen into the water again, and you’re sinking down, down, down, to the bottom of the blue and your lungs are giving out. the station still works because you hear the soft reply given to dave, “it’s hopeless, dave. i’m sorry. i know you love him, and i was attempting to give you hope rather than shooting you down instantly.”

“of all the bitchy things you’ve done,” he gives, the reply fast, like he’d barely thought on it because it had already been waiting at the surface of his mind. “this is by far the worst.”

you try to open your eyes, because this isn’t rose’s fault, rose didn’t do anything, she was just trying to be a good sister, but you can’t. they’re open for a second and you catch a glimpse of red, red like dave’s pesterchum font, and then they’re closed again. your chest is warm now, and you think he might be leaning over you, but it isn’t enough. you’ve already sunken to the bottom, and you can’t be reached from down there. “god, i am so sorry. this is my fault,” he chokes out, and you try to tell him that it isn’t, but you’re too far down and the only ones who hear it are the dead fish. “i love you.”

he keeps talking, but you’re too far away to hear.

the radio station cuts out entirely.

**Author's Note:**

> yes, i MEANT for this to be written all lowercase. it's john's final thoughts, so i typed it in john's quirk. you feel me?
> 
> uh! i was going to write fluff, but didn't feel up to it, so i wrote this instead? i dunno, i hope you liked it. sometimes writing less ship-centric stuff and more character-centric stuff is really enjoyable for me, especially when it's my favorite character.
> 
> (so there's a fun fact i guess: xphantomhive's favorite hs character is john.)


End file.
